Lost in the Shadows of Expectations

"One day, you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide."

For over a decade, my parents have been searching for a suitable partner for me. They wanted me to settle down, to fit into the life they envisioned for me. But love had already left its scars on me.

A heartbreak that shook my world. An engagement that fell apart. Each experience added to my fear—fear of marriage, fear of disappointing my family, fear of losing myself in the process.

Six months ago, I moved to Bangalore, seeking a fresh start. I had always wanted to work, to be independent, to carve my own path. But my father never encouraged me to dream that way. Ironically, it was my engagement eight months ago that gave me the strength to fight for my career. That proposal may no longer be a part of my life, but in a strange way, I am grateful—it set me free.

Bangalore welcomed me with open arms. I met incredible people, experienced new things, and for a moment, I felt like I was finally breathing on my own. But deep inside, a storm raged on. No matter where I went, I carried the same pain with me—the weight of not finding the right partner, the fear of falling in love and disappointing my family, the endless pressure that never left me. I felt stuck in a loop, trapped between my desires and my parents’ expectations. And somewhere along the way, I lost something... I lost myself.

I stopped feeling.

I had been in so much pain for so long that I became numb to it. When my mother met with an accident, I felt nothing. When my father said, "I will die if you don’t get married," I felt nothing. I didn’t even recognize the person I had become. I had reached a point where even pain couldn’t touch me anymore. I used harsh words toward my father, rejecting the match he had found for me, and yet… I felt nothing.

Why did I become so heartless? When did I stop caring?

Maybe it wasn’t heartlessness. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe it was my soul’s way of protecting itself from breaking any further. But if that’s the case… how do I find my way back?