"A Love Written in Prayers"

I never wanted to fall in love with Deenaa.

From the beginning, I knew he had feelings for me. I could sense it in the way he messaged me, the way he tried to talk to me during our work projects. But I never entertained him. My heart was already heavy, still carrying the weight of a broken engagement and a love that had faded with time. I was trying to manifest something new, something right.

I wanted to attract a good proposal, settle down with someone from my world, someone my family would accept. So, when Deenaa mentioned the Karya Siddhi Hanuman temple, it felt like a sign. I had been there four times before and had witnessed miracles. Maybe this could be the perfect start to my manifestation journey. Sixteen days of prayers. Sixteen days to form a habit of attracting the right partner.

When we planned the temple visit, I was nervous about meeting him for the first time, but I never had the intention to impress him. He picked me up at Sita Circle, and when I saw him, I thought he looked cute—but I didn’t like his hairstyle. It’s funny how I remember that small detail so clearly.

I had a terrible headache that day, so I told him I needed coffee. He stopped at a hotel, but he didn’t get down. It felt like he silently gestured for me to go, so I did. I ordered coffee for myself, not realizing he was calling to see if I’d bring him one too. I was too dumb to understand his hint. I drank my coffee alone and went back to the car. He didn’t say a word. We just drove in silence.

At the temple, I stood before the deity with folded hands, pouring out my heart in prayer. Please send me the right life partner, someone from my caste, someone who can build a life with me in Bangalore. And then, almost instinctively, I added, Forgive me for coming here with a man. I only want him as a friend. Please, never let my heart fall for him.

Maybe God has a way of playing tricks on us. Because in those 16 days, the exact thing I prayed against was the very thing that happened.

I fell for him.

I never told him about my past. Not because I was hiding it, but because I had moved on. My past didn’t matter anymore, and I knew sharing it would only lead to unnecessary comparisons and conflicts. I had seen that before. My ex-fiancé knew about my past, and even though we got engaged, he never brought it up in fights. He trusted me, and I was loyal to him. I did everything I could to make that relationship work. But when I realized I was the only one trying, my heart started to drift away. That’s when Krishna came into my life.

Krishna was different. He was someone I could talk to, someone who made me feel good about myself. But he wasn’t the type to check on me every day. He wouldn’t call or text just to ask how I was doing. And slowly, that distance made me feel alone. He told me he wasn’t the kind of guy who would talk every day, and I knew I couldn’t live with that. So, I moved on, promising myself I would never fall for someone from another state again.

But love has its own way of finding you when you least expect it.

And this time, it found me in Deenaa.

For a while, I thought maybe this was worth fighting for. Maybe if I stood strong, if I took a stand, I could win this battle. He was strong for me. He loved me in a way no one else had. But my past haunted me. Eight years of memories, of fights, of heartbreak—I knew what it felt like to fight a battle alone. And I couldn’t do it again.

I didn’t want to give him hope, but he kept pulling me back in. He invited me to Tamil Nadu with his sisters to visit a Devi Maa temple. I refused at first, but he insisted, begging me to come. So I thought, Maybe if I meet his family, I’ll get some clarity.

And I did. But not in the way I wanted.

I saw a life I couldn’t fit into. A family where I wouldn’t belong. And that’s when I knew—I could never choose this. I loved this man, but not the life that came with him.

He told me that in marriage, only the husband matters. But I knew he was wrong. I had always dreamed of a family that welcomed me, that made me feel loved. I could never live in a house where I felt like an outsider.

So, I made my decision.

I started pulling away, trying to turn our love back into friendship. But his love, his care—it wasn’t letting me go. He loved me with everything he had. He was the perfect man in so many ways. But when he fought, he became someone else.

The moment he learned about my past, everything changed. Every fight, every argument, he would bring it up. My past, something I had left behind, became a weapon in his hands. And with every fight, the love that felt so beautiful began to hurt.

I had moved on from my past, but he wouldn’t let me forget it.

I work with Krishna even now, and there’s nothing left between us but respect and work. He motivates me to focus, to do better. He openly tells me about his dates, and I know I could tell him about mine too, but I choose not to. I don’t share my secrets with anyone anymore. Because if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that when you trust someone with your deepest thoughts, one day, in a fight, they will use them against you.

Instead, I write. I pour my heart into words because words don’t betray me.

My love story with Deenaa was beautiful. No girl would want to leave a man who loves and cares so deeply. I often think about how well his mother raised him, how perfectly she made him. But when he fights, he erases all of it.

He asks me why I’m not the same as I was in the beginning. The truth is, I’m scared. Scared of the way he changes in anger. Scared that every time I let my guard down, he will fill my heart with pain again.

I want him to understand. I want him to hold me and tell me, “Priyanka, don’t do this. This isn’t what I want.” I want him to sit with me, to listen, to understand. But instead, he brings up my past, and my heart starts to shatter all over again.

He tells me I will regret leaving his love.

Maybe he’s right. I already miss it.

But then I remember the fights. The words that cut through me. The feeling of being dragged back into pain I had already escaped from. And in those moments, I know—love is not meant to be this painful.

I love him, but love alone is not enough.